I feel like abortions should bother me more
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
