Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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