Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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