Duck Duck Cougar?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
