Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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