Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
