I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
