Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize