I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
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