Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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