I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
