What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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