You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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