somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize