I'll bet she douches with gravy.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
