Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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