just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
