Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
