ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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