All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
