I'm eating all of the evidence.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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