my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize