I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
