I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
