You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
