remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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