Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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