Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
