i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
