in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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