how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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