Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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