I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
