I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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