how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
