tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
