Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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