i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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