Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
