I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
