Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
