Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
