I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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