i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
