i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I fill condoms, not promises.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
