You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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