oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
