PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
