I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
