Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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