im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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