The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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