I wish my penis had an off switch
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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