whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
