the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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