He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
