hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize