Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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