And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
