Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
