Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
