Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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