i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
