Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
