Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize